Golf Fun - Dave's Midwestern Ohio Memories

Series of Guest Blogs by an out-of-state Fish Report reader originally from this area about fond memories of growing up in Midwestern Ohio during the 50’s & 60’s

Golf Fun

Last week, our son Reggie visited us in Florida to celebrate his birthday. The photo above was taken after dinner showing the stars and planets all aligned with the moon on his birthday; hopefully a good omen! Reggie loves to golf like me, so we had several fun rounds; he was happy to break 90 each time. One of the 18 hole rounds was with two long-time friends from Ft. Loramie, Frank Schafer and Jake Sherman. who were wintering in Florida like us.

Jake was just recovering from a second knee replacement last fall so this was his first time golfing since the surgery. He started out obviously taking it easy on the knee but by the end, scored a birdie and par on the last two holes to finish strong. The new knee clearly passed the test.

Frank also played well, but the highlight of golfing with Frank is his commentary throughout the round. His sense of humor shot-after-shot was legendary and brought back a lot of memories, as back in high school and every time Frank and I have gotten together since, whether playing sports, dining out or just plain goofing around has always been fun and full of levity. This round of golf was no exception. Maybe having our son join us brought out Frank's best stuff.

His nickname has always been Big Red, given his red, but now gray, hair coupled with his strength and size. If Loramie had a football team back then in high school, Frank would have been a star lineman on both sides of the ball and likely earn a football scholarship. You can see what I mean by checking out this photo of Frank taken last summer admiring the view from the tee overlooking Lake Michigan where we were golfing. But had he earned a football scholarship, I would not have the opportunity and enjoyment to have roomed with him while he attended U of D and I worked for GM in Dayton back in the 1960’s. We shared a place in the ghetto as described in this past blog.

Frank and I connected up several weeks ago for lunch with a group of other Loramie alums as shown in this photo. Frank held court that day as well. Even had the ladies in stitches!

A sampling of the golfing comments as we played our round last week were hilarious. For example:

Calling a putt just short a Fidel Castro: needed one more revolution.

Or a Saddam Hussein: going from bunker to bunker.

Or how about the Mick Jagger shot: a big lip out.

Then there’s the condom shot: safe but didn’t feel very good.

Or the old favorite Linda Ronstadt shot: blew by you.

Then there’s Army golf: left, right, left, right

An Elin Nordegren: smashed an iron into woods

A shot that shaved the edge is called a Brazilian (no photo for this one!)

Then there’s the princess shots; Diana: shouldn't have used a driver or Grace: should have used a driver.

Really enjoy the in-law versions - Son-in-law shot: could have done better.

Sister-in-law shot: you’re there but you know you shouldn’t be.

And my favorite, although it definitely does not apply in my case, is the mother-in-law shot: looked good going out the door!

During the course of the round, I asked Jake and Frank what was new in Ft. Loramie, and after a long pause, Jake said there’s a new bar in town called the Loramie Brewing Company located in the old bank building along Main Street. Ironically, my brother had just eaten there and texted me some photos displayed on the brewery walls about the bank being robbed in 1962. He sent the following photos.

Loramie could always use another bar! Looks like a neat place.

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Cuss Words - Dave's Midwestern Ohio Memories

Series of Guest Blogs by an out-of-state Fish Report reader originally from this area about fond memories of growing up in Midwestern Ohio during the 50’s & 60’s

Cuss Words

Growing up around the farm meant there were a lot of cuss words used when things didn’t go right, especially when a young heifer kicked over the milk pail during her first milking. Dad sometimes would cuss in German, most frequently “schisse” or “arsch", to shelter us kids from such language. Needless to say, I picked up on Dad’s cuss words, which really exacerbated Mom; however, she never threatened to “wash out my mouth with soap”, likely because the homemade lye soap prevalent back then was probably poisonous, as lye also served as a drain cleaner!

Other handmade soap ingredients were lard and a product called 20 Mule Team Borax, the sponsor of a favorite western TV show called Death Valley Days, as Death Valley was where the borax for the soap additive was mined and hauled out by wagons pulled by 20 teams of mules as depicted in the photo below. The TV series depicted true stories of the old wild west. Click this link for the inaugural episode that aired in October of 1952.

Because of Mom’s discipline, we eventually migrated to using substitutes for real cuss words like shown on the following list:

• Crap
• Dag Gummit
• Dang
• Darn
• Doggone
• Frikin’
• Fudge
• Gosh Darn
• Heck
• Jiminy Crickets
• Judas Priest
• Mother Trucker
• Shoot
• Son of a Gun

Those passed muster with Mom, but in reality they had essentially the same meaning as the real cuss words, but were tolerated. I do know most of the real cuss words had to be forgiven in the confessional, cause Mom made us do so! Mom’s penance was typically worse than the priest!

Not sure she ever made Dad confess ‘em; God and the priest back then only know. All real cuss words typically generated a penance of an Our Father and Hail Mary from the priest, but I never recall confessing a substitute cuss word. Most were said out of habit, continuing to this day according to my wife, who simply shrugs and tells me to calm down!

Good thing she’s not with me while golfing!

Sporting events bring out the worst, especially when a ref makes a bum call that impacts the outcome of the game. Bengals fans like me know that feeling all too well!

Another technique for depicting cuss words is by using something called the “grawlix", which refers to a series of typographical symbols (such as @#$%&!) used in cartoons and comic strips to represent swear words.

My sister-in-law Laura is known to use grawlix occasionally during Russia basketball games as the above photos prove.

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Golfing Buddy - Dave's Midwestern Ohio Memories

Series of Guest Blogs by an out-of-state Fish Report reader originally from this area about fond memories of growing up in Midwestern Ohio during the 50’s & 60’s

Golfing Buddy

A long time friend Wayne G unfortunately passed away in 2021 from a reoccurrence of prostate cancer after a 20 year remission. We played golf together at least weekly both in Michigan and Florida, plus we also played tennis, paddle ball and pickle ball. He was a military veteran having served as a pilot in the 1960’s retiring as a major. After his funeral, his ashes were interred at the Great Lakes National Cemetery. At the internment, his widow gave me a small box with some of his ashes requesting they be spread wherever Wayne would appreciate.

So this blog is about the saga of spreading Wayne’s ashes in all of his favorite places.

Because of Wayne’s love of golf, Orchard Lake Country Club (aerial photo above) was the obvious first site selected to spread his ashes. I organized a foursome of his best friends and we all concluded Wayne loved the par three holes in his later years as his handicap rose, meaning he was entitled to a stroke on those holes while the rest of us did not. So he would typically win a skin or two by making par with a stroke for a net 2. So we each spread a portion of his ashes on the four par threes, holes 3,7,13 & 16.

After golf I ran into several other friends of Wayne’s so we ventured down to the boat dock at the Club and sprinkled some of Wayne’s ashes in the lake, as he and his wife lived in a home on the lake for 40 years where they enjoyed boating, skiing and fishing.

Wayne also was a very competitive rackets player over the years, enjoying tennis, paddle and pickle ball, so several of his fellow competitors and I interred some of his ashes in a flower bed between the courts.

Next the ashes traveled to Florida, where Wayne had a condo in Naples very close to ours. We’d not only play golf, pickle ball and tennis, but also pool and bocci ball. So his ashes were sprinkled in the Gulf of Mexico in front of his condo, a fountain on the condo grounds and in a flower pot next to the pickle ball court, all pictured above.

Wayne and I always had a friendly rivalry going between Michigan State, his alma mater, and the University of Michigan, mine. Whenever the two teams played in any sport, we frequently bet and watched the games together. Wayne hated to lose, a carry over from his football playing days as a linebacker for legendary MSU Coach Duffy Daughtery.

The two of us were like Mutt and Jeff, with Wayne the build of a linebacker and me a punter! Believe it or not, MSU has a Mutt & Jeff cartoon archive in their library; I rest my case!

Wayne was still working at the time of his death at brokerage house UBS and one of his co-workers, Troy, also an MSU grad, volunteered to spread his ashes on the campus someplace appropriate. After doing so, he wrote me the following note:

Dave,

Distribution of Wayne’s ashes at Michigan State was a classic. While I had been in East Lansing once since you gave them to me, it wasn’t the right situation. So WG has been riding around with me providing some good conversation. This last Monday was perfect. Went to an afternoon basketball game then out to dinner. After that I drove on campus to Spartan Stadium. 

It was MLK Day and the campus was virtually empty. In the 40’s with a light fog so the glow of the street and sidewalk lights gave off a special soft glare. I parked next to the Stadium. Around the Stadium and Sparty Statue there is no significant grass, so the perfect place was the Red Cedar River which flows next to the Stadium.

 

I walked out on the bridge over the river. The scene totally quiet with the glistening of the bridge lights reflecting off the flow of the river below. In the distant a lone student is walking on the sidewalk. I released the ashes and they slowly descended to the river in a slight breeze with the lights giving them a sparkling, star like appearance. As they floated the Mallard Ducks started quacking a 21 Quack Salute. Very Special.

So part of Wayne will be on the State Campus leisurely floating around in front of Spartan Stadium!

Best, Troy

The ultimate irony in our rivalry occurred a few years ago when Wayne and I were golfing in a Senior event at the Michigan golf course, literally in the shadow of the Big House as is evident from the photo above. On the 8th hole, a par three of course, Wayne had a hole in one, so needless to say, his ashes had to be spread on that green, an honor my son and I relished before a recent basketball game we attended on campus.

The last place yet to spread Wayne’s ashes is from an airplane in honor of Wayne’s military service as a pilot. Another golfing friend pictured below has a private plane and this spring, promised to release the remainder of Wayne's ashes into the wild blue yonder. Also shown is a photo of Wayne and me holding his helmet from his pilot days.

All of his golfing friends pictured below held a memorial for Wayne while toasting his friendship and memories. Wayne’s pictured on the big screen in the background.

Rest in peace, my friend!

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Spy Balloon - Dave's Midwestern Ohio Memories

Series of Guest Blogs by an out-of-state Fish Report reader originally from this area about fond memories of growing up in Midwestern Ohio during the 50’s & 60’s

Spy Balloon

Chinese Spy Balloon Over Montana

Chinese Spy Craft Route

 Spy Balloon Shot Down over the Atlantic

All the hullabaloo about the Chinese spy balloon flying over the US that was finally shot down over the Atlantic Ocean reminded me as a kid on the family farm when Dad and I discovered a large deflated balloon that had landed in one of our fields. It was about 4 feet in diameter with a small instrument of some sort dangling from a cord attached to the balloon.

There was a message on the device that read if found return postage prepaid to the National Weather Service in Washington, DC. Had it not been postage pre-paid, I’m sure Dad would have trashed it, but not before I opened up the gadget to see how it worked. There was no indication of where the balloon originated, but obviously it had to be somewhere out west as that's the direction of the prevailing wind. 

Checking the internet, it turns out the Weather Service had launched over 50 weather balloons from Illinois during that period. I do recall writing a report about the weather balloon discovery for my science class. Turns out the device was called a radiosonde and the instrument looked like this on the inside.

Social media had a field day as the spy craft traversed the nation at 70 mph and an altitude of 66,000 feet. Here’s a sampling:

 Spoof video of private plane flying by the Chinese spy balloon

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